Book-Why Can't I Figure Us Out?, Eileen Head, Calgary, AB

"Eileen writes a compelling story of her journey and how her

Enneagram type influences her all along the journey."

 - David Daniels, M.D.

Clinical Professor Emeritus, Department of Psychiatry, Stanford Medical School 

and Founder of Enneagram Studies in the Narrative Tradition School

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FIND YOUR RELATIONSHIP ANSWERS

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begin to discover your relationship

answers both personally and professionally.

Author, "Why Can't I Figure Us Out?"

Eileen Head

Are you in a relationship where you feel stuck and unloved? Are you frustrated because you have difficulty understanding the other person? I did too.

 

We we high school sweethearts. I met my husband at sixteen and married at eighteen and I thought I had found my Prince Charming. I couldn't understand why we were two great people with the same value, morals and goals and yet just could not connect. I searched for answers everywhere reading marriage manuals, stacks of self-help books and taking courses. I would ask myself "Why can't I figure this out?" When I could find no other anwser I gave up. 

 

In the thirty-five years we were married, my husband was a complete mystery to me. I just couldn’t figure us out... or figure me out until I got personality insights using The Enneagram Personality System (any-a-gram).

 

I discovered, too late after divorce, a solution to an unhappy and unfulfilling marriage. I could see the dance we had been doing for thirty-five frustrating years. I now understand why my husband behaved the way he did and why I reacted the way I did. Suddenly everything became clear. We had personality perspective differences

 

Personality insights have transformed my life and given me relationship answers, both personally and professionally, and they can for you too!

 

I am passionate about helping others with their personal struggles...before it is too late.

 

Figure Out Yourself... Figure Out Your Relationships... Figure Out Your Life!

Here is just a very small part of what I discovered about our two personalities in our couple combination. I am a Helper and my ex-husband is a Peacemaker. (This is an excerpt from my book):

 

Helpers see themselves as loving  fixers who can make others' lives easier. They put aside their own issues to focus on their partner's needs. Helpers overdo their giving and other people can rarely manage to give back to the same degree. 

 

Peacemakers sense the attention is conditional and something the Helper needs. They react to what they see as a move for control and ulterior motives by procrastinating, becoming distracted, and resist going along through passive-aggressive behavior. Peacemakers feel the expectations are too high or intense to reciprocate, and often did not want the giving in the first place. 

 

The Helper's basic need is for connection, intimacy and for sharing of thoughts and feelings. Peacemakers fear that stating their own needs will cause conflict and choose to merge with their partner.  Although outwardly accommodating, when Peacemakers reach a point of stubborness, they have incredible strength and determination. and will not budge. Unfortunately, this means that they both end up frustrated that their own needs are never met. 

 

Helpers intensify their efforts and pressure Peacemakers to express their feelings, attempting to wring out the Peacemaker's thoughts, feelings, and emotions to gain connection. Peacemakers experience the intensity and see it as a demand. They respond by withdrawing giving the silent treatment needing time alone to explore their feelings. Silence and withdrawal is seen as a severe punishment to the Helper. The Peacemaker withdraws because of the intensity and the Helper frantically attempts to reconnect.

 

And this is the dance we did for thirty-five years. If only we had understood, there might have been a different outcome.

 

This is why I am passionate about helping others to understand their relationships.

 

"This book is a must read for anyone who is wanting to heal and transform their relationships." 

Karen Klassen, Author,  Living in the Freedom Frequency

"This opportunity for personal growth is boundless and rich

with opportunity for one to truly crack the code..."

Farhana Dhalla, Author, #1 International Bestselling Book, Thank You For Leaving Me.

In the book I share what I discovered:

The steps I took to break free of the confusion, frustration and resentments in relationships

How it's possible to create healthy and happy relationships through personalities, by discovering your own unique personality 

There are powerful tools available to help you find answers and solutions to your challenging relationships, personally and professionally

Inspiration if you are feeling less than or powerless, lost and alone in your relationship

That each personality type has their own “personality loving language” 

"This book will serve so many, thank you."

Jo Diblee, Bestselling Author, Frock Off: Living Undisguised, International Speaker and De-Frocker!