Eileen Head Personality Matchmaker & Author

She Feels Guilty And He Is Happy

I went for lunch with my friend Jackie. Both of us are 2-Helper personalities so most of our conversation was about our relationships. We were catching up in each other’s lives and our


Our conversation was about our busy lives and how they can be so full. Jackie mentioned that there didn’t seem to be enough alone time with her husband Tom.

For her she would like more time and yet Tom seems quite happy with how it is. Jackie mentioned that Tom likes to get up early even though he doesn’t leave for work for an hour and half.

I explained to her that Tom is an 5-Contemplatorwho likes time on their own. They need lots of “thinking” time. In his schedule he creates time to recharge.

Jackie is a 2-Supporter who likes close connections and needs more verbal and physical contact. “Ah” she said “That makes so much sense.

Does that apply to social situations too? I love to socialize and for Tom it is painful. He is always saying, "Can we go, can we go.” Contemplators can feel drained from social groups. They hate small talk and prefer conversation that is intellectually stimulating.

“Oh my gosh that makes so much sense”.

Jackie also said that she has her yoga group, her public speaking group, classes and a few more. Unlike Tom she is invigorated being around other people.

Jackie says “I feel so guilty leaving Tom at home and being off doing what I enjoy. Tom assures me he doesn’t mind a bit.” And Tom probably doesn’t as that gives him more alone time to do what he enjoys.

Contemplators don’t feel disconnected when not in your physical presence but Supporters can feel that way, especially if feeling guilty. We chatted about how guilt can hold Supporters back from doing what they want which is really very healthy for them to do.

In a very short period of time, I helped Jackie understand some of the dynamics between their two personalities. Understanding your personality dynamics can help manage expectations, reduce resentments, and help you both get what you want and need.

Whether you are dating or in a long term relationship learning some of the basics of your personality can help you understand yourself and each other. Personalities help you make sense of your relationships.

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