I have been observing my neighbours who are having a rental dispute. They have had communication challenges before and now it has escalated to eviction and landlord/renter issues. Both are angry, frustrated, and ultimatums have been handed out.
As in all relationships, what we are currently fighting about is not what the current issue is really about. It is built up frustration from unresolved past issues.
The Landlord is an 8-Challenger and the Renter a 5-Observer. Challengers are action oriented and Observers are thinkers. When in conflict both can be judgmental and unwilling to compromise. Both fear being controlled and so get into big power struggles.
Typical problems are that the Observer finds the Challenger overwhelming in his direct, confrontational and argumentative style when stressed. Challengers want things done now and my way. Observers feel intruded upon and helpless as they need time to figure things out for themselves.
The Challenger gets very frustrated with the renter 5-Observer’s strategy of dealing with the confrontation by withdrawing and being non-communicative, going into their mind to figure out and strategizing rather than engaging, Also the lack of energy and their stubbornness once they have reached a conclusion.
8-Challengers take control by engaging aggressively for immediate action to hammer out a resolution while the Observer gains control by withdrawing when unable to express how they are feeling in disagreements. Observers feel helpless from the big energy. Challengers are triggered by what they see is a lack of respect.
Resolution: 5-Observers need to engage 8-Challengers respectfully and with an intention to talk it out and to resolve the situation. Energizing themselves assists them with staying present in the moment and accessing their feelings. They can negotiate time to think about it but must be willing to re-engage to talk it out.
Challengers need to realize the effect their big energy has and to allow the Challenger some space. If they can both come from a place of wanting to work it out they resolve this. If the Challenger has made a decision that this is done, then things will get very intense and heated.